this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
