Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
