No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
