3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize