We got so high we made milksteak
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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