I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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