Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
