I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
