Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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