**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You are a genius and a whore.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
