Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
