You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
