MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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