I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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