The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
