she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
