i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
