Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
