i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
