My first STD was from a foam party
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
