I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
