My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
and you said cock pushups were impossible
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize