I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
not ubering you a puppy
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