p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
