I can text with my tongue
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
