I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
