This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize