I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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