God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
