I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
