My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
