uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize