So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
