What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
