So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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