Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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