I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
