I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
