Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
