There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
