ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
