i think i have two assholes
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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