Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
