Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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