I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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