WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
