Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
