It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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