o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
