I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
