No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
