it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
