There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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