oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
