The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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