ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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