well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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