Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
