sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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