There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
