there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize