I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
