Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
