I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
