Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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