I cannot find my penis.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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