i think i have two assholes
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
