i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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