The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
God I need to hump something, right now.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
