who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
