When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
