I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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