when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
My vagina just recognized that song.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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