Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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