I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
