I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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