I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize