i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
