my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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