i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
