She is in my trunk
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Too much gin, very little bucket
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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