my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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