I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
