I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
