I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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