This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
