just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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