You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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