I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
