I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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