Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
i think i just lost a toe
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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