Where is the hickey?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
