So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Randomize
