No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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