Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
"it" just moved
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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