its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize