My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
