we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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