I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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