I'm gonna have a badass scar
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My hand turned me down
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
