theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
