You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize