From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
