Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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