Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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