She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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