No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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