After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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