after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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