He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
