I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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