I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
